Yesterday was the first birthday away from Dylan.
I survived. I think.
I’m still breathing. Tear ducts are obviously producing at maximum capacity. And the world didn’t stop.
7 years is a long time for anything. The commitment to cultivate and protect and nurture another human being is DAUNTING. My little human had shown me the amazing ways that God can make good out of bad. My little human has ALSO shown me how to love people unconditionally. selflessly. Without pretense or any expectation other than to have the effort that he puts in be reciprocated.
I am thankful for that.
Yesterday I also was shown who truly had my best interest at heart.
This opinion is all my own and not endorsed by anyone on the Planet.
Birthdays are important. Not the gifts or the age or even the cake. What is important (to me) is that people took time out of 365 days to recognize that for one day, you being here mattered.
My children’s birthdays are important (now) because I have battled with demons that no one would miss me if I weren’t here for that 1/365. I don’t ever want my 3 to think or even form the idea to contemplate how that feels.
So this year God is opening my eyes to my Circle and allowing me to let go of some things. THIS birthday, although about Dylan, forced me to look at my guards. Emotionally I have let a lot of riffraff in… I need to create my own Night’s Watch and not let Others in. Sorry had to do it.
Man is fickle.
Anyone who you give Secure Access to has the opportunity to abuse their privileges. Today I have realized that I have the right to revoke that Access.
That my friends is liberating.
So as I press forward, passed my first solo birthday, I know two things.
1. It will get easier.
At the end of the day….
That’s why I had kids.